Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Old Love, New Challenges

Next month, Dean and I will celebrate nine years together. I know to some of you marathon-marrieds it seems like the blink of an eye, but by modern relationship standards it's pretty respectable. I just can't believe it's been that long - sometimes it feels like we're still dating. In these nine years, our love has survived two cross-country moves, grad school, four cats (and countless rescued transients), seven Christmases apart, and three apartments.

But here's the true test: Can our relationship withstand our very first joint bank account? Even after marriage we never saw a need to combine finances since both of us were making decent money and we knew we'd have to close our account anyway once the inevitable exodus from Florida occurred. He looked the other way on my mean feral cat habit and I did the same for his baseball junk collectibles. The cats are mostly out of the picture (except for a small stipend towards the new feeder as a gesture of appreciation and support) and I don't think his baseball spending will put us out on the streets. But I am already feeling much more accountable for my expenses and let's face it, women do most of the spending between groceries, odds and ends (what I call "Target stuff"), and our personal upkeep does tend to require a little more. Maybe in these tough economic times it's good to be occasionally questioned about the massive amounts of money being spent on Pretzel Chips and Skinny Cow Sundae Cones. I'm clearly not the only one eating it (the last bag of Pretzel Chips disappeared before I ate a single chip!). Perhaps we will both evaluate our habits for awhile until we decide that accountability about our eating habits is like lifting up a rock and watching all your nasty vices scurry away to find more darkness and we'll go back to the original plan of looking the other way.


gabrielle said...


"It feels like we're still dating” says it all. To keep the relationship fresh and alive in spite of everyday stresses and life changing decisions. To keep caring deeply and enjoying each other’s company. To accept the little “quirks” and talk openly and respectfully about bigger concerns.

Ahem. Money matters. That’s the real test. Emma’s in gold fish withdrawal. I miss my carefree J Jill days. And Chris has had to put some CD’s on his wish list.
I have confidence that you'll work it out.

Happy anniversary!!!

Dianne said...

I agree with gabrielle, the 'feels like we're still dating' says it all!!

Happy anniversary

Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary and Happy Thanksgiving. Hope it was cozy and special in your new apartment. And that the cats got a little nibble of turkey to celebrate the day.

dr sardonicus said...

Now, if you can mix your finances and still feel like you're dating, you've really accomplished something. Congratulations.

Scott said...

Nine years is a total milestone, and even those that have been together much longer can appreciate what that means. I've seen too many relationships fall apart to take ones that last for granted. So congrats to you and Deano.

As for the joint account, me and my wife had one the minute she moved into my apartment with me, three months after we met. She didn't have a job, so the circumstances aren't the same. But for me I felt that we had to be equal from the start, and that she could spend as she saw fit. In hindsight I probably let some things get out of control, but that's all part of learning to live with one another. We still "debate" how we should handle our finances. I quote the word because I think I'm talking to myself most of the time, but that's what husbands are for, to be heard and not listened to.

Hot4Teacha said...

I continue to be amazed and inspired by you guys and the relationship you have - here's to you both, as individuals and as a couple. I love you.