Guy in bar: Yup.
Cheesehead: Me too.
Guy in bar: Fuckin'-A.
Professor Hottie: I remember meeting you when I visited your University.
Me: Yes, and I meant to tell you how much I enjoyed the seminar you gave about metamagnetic states in Cobaltites.
Dr. Hari: Yeah! She couldn't stop talking about you!
Me (during my presentation): At low temperatures, the sample showed anonymous behavior. [Horrified, I realized that I said "anonymous" instead of "anomalous".] I'm sorry, I meant to say... anonymous.
Random person in the audience during Undergrad's (from my lab) presentation: If your nanoparticles are 4 to 6 nanometers in diameter, why does your x-ray diffraction show sharp intense peaks when the particles are smaller than the wavelength of light?
Undergrad: Are you saying my particles aren't as small as I say they are? 'Cuz they are!
Cheesehead, rerecording his outgoing messgae on his cellphone: Hi, this is Cheesehead. If you are that girl I gave my number to the other night, PLEASE LEAVE YOUR PHONE NUMBER AS I DON'T ALREADY HAVE IT!
J: Do you want to go to a cold fusion talk?
Me: Sort of..... Do you?
J: Totally. I want to hear two things- "Einstein was wrong" and "The man's keeping me down".
Speaker (minutes later at a cold fusion talk: If you want to know why none of this work is funded, read Upton Sinclair's The Jungle.