Friday, July 07, 2006

I Just Called to Say I love You, Baby Jesus



In a previous post, I alluded to the fact that my stepdad's sister lived next door to Joe Mauer (or as Deano calls him, Baby Jesus). I say lived because she sold her town house recently. I am furious about it. I had a small connection to the best player in baseball right now. And he's hotter than hell. And he lives with Justin Morneau, who is on pace to break Harmon Killebrew's single season homerun and RBI records for the Twins (now I call Justin "Baby Harmon"). My aunt let that all slip away when she sold that house. I don't even care that she doesn't like baseball.

When I was in Minneapolis I was giving her a complete verbal beat down about selling her house. "How could you do this to me?!" I kept asking. To soothe my pain and pacify my ranting, she flipped open her cell phone and and looked up Joe Mauer (she's called him several times for autographs to auction off for charity through her work). Then she gave me his number. So now that she doesn't live next to him anymore, I still have a little connection with him, and I am satisfied with it. But I promised myself I would never ever call the number. Well, maybe once from a pay phone during a game just to hear what his outgoing voicemail message sounds like. Maybe.

Anyway, I've sort of thought of having his number in my cell phone as my little secret. My one-up on the other Twins fans. And I've been responsible with it.

Well tonight, we went to eat at Tijuana flats and then went to Barnes & Noble. Our usual Friday date. At Barnes & Noble I realized I didn't have my cell phone. I assumed I had either left it at home or at the lab, so I wasn't in too big of a hurry. When we got home, I used Dean's phone to call mine to make sure it wasn't in the apartment. I let it ring a couple times and then headed to the lab. In the lab I didn't see it, so I called it again. It rang once and then I heard,

"The Cingular customer you are trying to reach is currently on the phone."

My stomach dropped. Someone has my phone, and they are talking on it right now.

Then:

Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. That person now has Joe Mauer's phone number and is obsessively calling him to the point where Joe will confront ME about it. He will hate my guts, as will my aunt and then Joe will change his number. All because of me having to have his number in my phone, which I managed to lose. Less than a week after I got the phone. And the number. Oh my God.

Well, I haven't heard anything from Joe, even though he's been busy getting his ass kicked along with the rest of the team by Texas. But My dad called Dean to say that a woman had found my phone and called him from it to find out who/where I was. I finally called my phone and got a hold of her. She found it in the Tijuana flats parking lot. Interesting tidbit: The Motorola RAZR is very resilient and can handle being dropped.

I met up with her at a bar to get it back. She told me she was drinking at the bar she usually works at. I thought it would be dumb to buy her a drink since she probably drinks for free anyway. So I brought her a small bag of my coveted truffles. I hope she appreciates them. She was very nice and it's great that there are people like her in the world.

And I'm changing Joe's name in my phone book from "Joe Mauer" to "Baby Jesus". Just in case.

9 comments:

DearOldDad said...

While reading this post, I couldn’t help but think that with a little embellishment, this scenario would have made a great Seinfeld episode (of course, BJ would become Keith Hernandez.) At any rate, I was very relieved when my cell rang, showing your name, and your voice was once again attached to it.
Happy 27th Birthday, Sweetie!!!!!

Runner Girl FL said...

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y ! ! ! 2U

YEA!! For getting your phone back. Scary that you almost lost it. I'm glad Joe isn't mad at you. That would not be a good birthday!!

Have fun at the game. Say Hi to Dr. V for me. ;)

Scott said...

That was so funny. What is it about being a baseball player that makes them so manly. I'm pissed off about this. But they have a certain something, don't they?

Runner Girl FL said...

That they do Scott.....now I'm a little woried about you. ;)

lefty_grrrl said...

He is hot. I love Baby Jesus in an inappropriate way.

mom said...

i don't know if changing the name to baby jesus is a good idea, if i didn't know anything about baseball, lived in a "red state" i might see that name in your phonebook and definately call....

Scott said...

Wait, somebody else was logged in as me! Arrrggghhhh!

jenbeauty said...

Not to mention how stinkin cute they are!!

magnetbabe said...

Thanks for the happy birthday wishes dad and rg! I had a great birthday.

Scott, it's okay to have a man crush on Joe. Dean does and he's very secure about the whole thing.

lefty, it's also okay to love Baby Jesus inappropriately. You'll just spend eternity with me in hell. It'll be fun! All the cool people will be there.

mom, good point. I thought of just changing it too "BJ", but agaon, the Florida thing might make people prone to dial that number as well...

jen, they are stinkin cute!