Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Vulnerable

There are days when I feel like it is all too much for me. The world seems too cold and uncaring. The circle of life too cruel. It is like I can feel every injustice done to every creature and it makes me want to pull all my hair out.

No, nothing specific happened. These past couple of days I have been inundated with stories of horrible things that people can do. The stories I heard when learning about Home for Life while they were at Mall of America yesterday. The daily forwards I get from my friends in the cat community asking for help because they have come across an animal the world has been unkind to. I feel like no matter how much I do I can't make a dent in this poisonous heap of cruelty. Usually when these feelings come I go snuggle with Dean and my own little rays of sunshine, or I take a quick walk to the dumpster and see who's milling about back there. Tonight, I will have to comfort myself by crawling into my big lonely bed at Dad's house and trying to distract myself with outside reading.

When I first brought up TNR for the dumpster kitties Dean worried I was too sensitive to handle trapping them and seeing them in discomfort. There are days when it can be difficult but I know that good comes from it. I am watching them feel discomfort for one day of what will be happier lives. I also know that I at times see their emotions through my own humans lens. Something that hurts me much more than them.

Tonight we watched The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill. It was excellent but it reminded me there will come a day when I have to say good bye to my dumpster kitties*. I know I will miss them more than they will ever miss me. It will hurt like hell, but that hurt will never make me regret doing something when I could have turned my back. I know that no matter how much I feel connected to my animal friends, they are animals who at times seem much further evolved than I, understanding and accepting nature much more readily.

*Don't worry, I already have a plan for caring for them after Dean and I move away.

4 comments:

lefty_grrrl said...

Besides, don't you think dumpster kitties will find you wherever you go? Never fear, because you are, duhduhDUH, MagnetBabe.

Anonymous said...

lunch tomorrow?

Scott said...

It's a terrible burden being so sensitive. I had to numb myself years ago, growing up with family and friends that hunt. Still, I couldn't bear to watch any kind of cruelty to animals, and it put me on the outside in many circles. My dad's friends used to bring cats from a shelter to "run" his hunting dogs.

Minnesota blue said...

Scott is absolutely right. It is a heavy burden to be so sensitive. However, thank God for sensitive people like you. Without sensitivity our world would be a terrible place to live. You will learn in time that you will need to temper your sensitivity with the reality that you are only one person and you can only spread yourself and your causes so far. There are always others who will step up to the plate!!!