One Less

I’m about 90% sure one of the dumpster kitties got hit by a car.

A week ago I was driving home from work. I was taking the street home that I normally do, but driving past my usual turn to go up to the next block to get Chik-fil-A for dinner. Just past my complex (~ 50 yards) I saw a furry lifeless heap on the side of the road. Living in such a warm climate with high speed limits (sometimes 45 miles an hour on regular city streets) this is sadly common and I typically avert my gaze as I pass by or I will start to cry. That’s what I did a week ago also.

Then earlier this week I noticed one of them had gone missing. Some of them I don’t see every day so it does take a little while before I realize I haven’t seen a particular one. When I realized she was missing, my thoughts went back to the hit kitty from last week. I tried to keep up hope and tell myself that wasn’t her, it was just a coincidence. When I noticed that her brother (who she hangs out with) kept showing up for dinner by himself, I started to feel even crummier.

Yesterday I broke down and went to Heather to see what she thought. I didn’t mention the hit cat I saw because I wasn’t sure if I had talked myself into thinking it was her or what. I basically asked her (1) if she’s seen my kitty in any of her colonies after describing her and (2) how long she has gone without seeing one of her kitties before it turned back up. She very gently told me that she had seen the hit kitty. She had stopped to make sure it wasn’t one of hers and when she saw that it wasn’t she worried it was one of mine. She said she decided not to tell me unless I came to her and now that I gave her the description, she thought it was likely my missing kitty. The only way I could have been 100% sure was if she had noticed whether the ear was clipped (she was one I already fixed) and she said she couldn’t believe she forgot to check.

So I am pretty blue about it still today but I’ve resigned myself that she is gone. If by some miracle it wasn’t her I will be happy, but I don’t want to get my hopes up. What is bringing me down most is that she was one of the originals I started feeding two summers ago so I first met her when she was a tiny baby. I hadn’t thought about it before, but I truly regret not going to someone when I first found those kittens and they were small enough to still be housecats to someone. Granted, they wouldn’t let me too close, but if I’d have know then what I know now… I feel like as long as I live here, I will always be making it up to them. She was also one of the first ones I took for Spay Day so I had spent some time close to her. I remember her being pretty frightened and I had a difficult time getting her to eat even a couple days after the surgery. After I finally got her eating and released her she disappeared for a couple days, and seeing her after she had gotten over whatever distress I had caused her was very rewarding. I just wasn’t expecting her to disappear again.

I know their lives are not easy and are often short. I hope wherever she is now she knows someone cared about her.