Nerves

I am in Denver for this year's American Physical Society meeting. Besides having serious jet lag and dry skin I seem to be a walking ball of nerves. I realize that this meeting means much more than what is on the surface. Dr. Hari wants to show me off to professors and industrial bigwigs in the hopes I can be all but hired next year at this time. I hate networking and never seem to be assertive advertising myself. Dr. Hari gave a talk showcasing much of my work today and it seemed to go over well. Our collaborator whom I have never met before called my data "beautiful" which I think was more flattering than being complimented on my physical appearance (don't get me wrong, I'll take that, too!). Conversations like that make me feel very sad at the prospect of leaving academia.

While on the topic of nerves, I met with our other collaborator today. I'm referring to the one I had a major crush on last year. That was before I was a reserved, married woman. Now, well I still have a major crush on him. I replied to his, "Nice to see you again" with a shrill giggle, a clammy handshake and a beet red face. Very professional.

Before both these experiences could make me too sad about leaving this life, Mo and I went to a panel discussion about female physicists balancing career with family. It was horrific. I know most of you know I struggle with such issues and I am much too tired to get into it right now.

I'm going to stop now. Sorry for the general lack of coherence, I don't have time to sort out some of my emotions. I just thought it was important to touch base and at least let you know of my geographical whereabouts. Now, I must get some rest, I have my talk to give tomorrow afternoon. Wish me luck!