Saturday, May 19, 2007

First Week

Well, I survived my first week at my internship. It was touch and go at first but I persevered.

I don’t think I can tell you too much about this job because I had to sign a bunch of confidentiality agreements. I can tell you that I’m working for a large company that is well known for making hard drives. Working in an atmosphere were I am right in the middle of literally cutting edge technology is just awesome. That’s all I can describe it as.

My job is more of a desk job because I’m doing theoretical work- something I’ve had to make major adjustments for. It’s very strange to me to work in a QUIET office, at a desk in a cubicle and have extremely technical, intense physics conversations. There is no “hands on”, no “tinkering” and no equipment besides the 100 computer cluster I’ve been doing calculations on that’s located somewhere in the basement.

Another big difference is the (lack of) interaction and encouragement I’ve had. I realize that this is corporate America and I can’t expect people to hold my hand the whole time, unlike the lab where my “advisor” has that title for a reason. The attitude here is more akin to being dragged out in the middle of a lake, being dumped over the side and told to sink or swim. To continue the metaphor, I feel like I am finally starting to doggy paddle a little after much flailing and struggling to keep my head above water. And by doggy paddle I mean that I’m getting the job done though I’m somewhat slow and inefficient.

I knew I would miss Deano while I was away, but I thought it would be more like the dull ache I feel when I leave for a week here and there for holidays and conferences. What I didn’t anticipate was the void I would feel not having him here for me during a few of the most stressful days I’ve ever had. You know you’re an adult when your parents try to comfort you, but you really just want your husband to hold you and tell you it’s going to be okay. Because let me tell you, I’ve had my doubts this week.

I’m not going to write much more right now because my ass is dragging. The hours are long and the intellectual and emotional challenges have drained me. There is so much I want to do while I’m in my hometown but at this rate I’m not going to get much done. I guess I have to just get used to things though I know it will take a little while.


fermicat said...

Wow, the job sounds tough. Hang in there. You know it will get better once you settle in. And you'll be a better scientist from having done this. You might even be able to squeeze in a few of those things you wanted to do in your hometown.

Christopher said...

Changing jobs pins that old stress meter and ranks right up there with marriage, divorce and home buying. It only makes it harder when you are out of your “at-home-with-Deano” comfort zone. Having been in your company this week and a witness to your utter exhaustion, I think you’ve coped amazingly well. You do a good job of listening to your body and obeying its needs. It will get easier, hang in there.

Gram said...

I never have had a doubt that you will succeed! We all understand that you need to set your priorites, that this hiatis from Deano is for both of your futures. We all support you!

Brooklyn Frank said...

my ass is dragging right now too, coincidentally/

Scott said...

I know your ass is dragging, but put it in your most comfortable chair. You've been tagged.

e.b. said...

The first week of any new job is so rough - plus you are technically away from home which makes it that much harder. Good luck - one week down!