Monday, July 09, 2007

Back to Reality

Well, I’m back to work today after a lovely five days in Tampa visiting my husband and furry children. For the most part it was blissful. The days Dean had to work I slept late with the cats sprawled out on the bed, read, watched the Twins give the White Sox a serious beating twice in one day, and basically just reveled in again being with my own “stuff”. I also cried. A lot. So much that I was beginning to worry about the state of my emotional health. But when I thought about it some, I realized I was crying not so much out of despair and anguish but for release.

For the first time in eight weeks, I was all alone with the one person I can really truly be myself around. I just let it all go. I let go of all the frustration of this summer not being what I thought it would. I dropped the façade that I didn’t realize I had put on for everyone- even myself. I cried out of relief that Dean and I were on the same page about this time away making our relationship stronger and what endless possibilities awaited my return. I cried out of joy that my kitties chose not to ignore me the whole time but resumed life as if nothing had happened and I cried that I have to leave them again for almost the same amount of time.

I also cried because I turned 28 yesterday. And more than turning 28, I was upset that I had to spend the day on an airplane, saying good-bye again and that like everything else, our annual Birthday Beach Trip was put on hold until the end of August. Every year Dean takes me to a different beach for a weekend getaway of sunning, swimming, relaxing and drinking. This year, I opted to spend my precious time at home with the cats and defer my Birthday Beach Trip to "after I’m back" - that nebulous, seemingly unachievable destination. So even though Dean brought me breakfast in bed with a tear-jerking card (anything would have done it at this point) and some chocolates (because I wouldn't be able to enjoy the usual bouquet of flowers), my birthday was bound to suck.

I had booked an early afternoon flight back to Minneapolis (depart Tampa 2pm, arrive 4 pm) so that we could have a leisurely (if not melancholy) morning and I could still have a nice supper with Dad, Stepmom and Stepsis. The Minneapolis weather had other plans, and shortly before our final decent into the Twin Cities a storm swept through and forced us to redirect into Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Sitting on the ground, in the plane with (understandably) impatient children for four hours was not how I anticipated spending yesterday. I knew my birthday wouldn’t be as good as some years, but I had no idea it could be quite so sucky. When the Twin Cities airport finally resumed accepting flights, it took forever to get luggage and the place was a madhouse so I didn’t get back to Dad’s until after 9. Thankfully, dinner was made and I did get to enjoy my fried chicken, garlic mashed potatoes, sautéed green beans and made-from-scratch cornbread. But afterwards it was straight to bed to recover and get back to reality. So that’s where I sit. Once again, counting days (24) until Dean’s next visit, and weeks (7) until I get to go home for good.

9 comments:

e.b. said...

Aww your post was going to make me cry! I am so so sorry, the end of the summer will get here soon, I promise!

I too sat on the runway for 4 hours this weekend - there is almost nothing worse.

Of course a very happy birthday as well. It was also Magoo's birthday yesterday!

magnetbabe said...

Thanks e.b. Yay! Magoo and I are birthday buddies!

It's such a complicated situation because at the same time I don't necessarily want the summer to go by that fast because I really am enjoying my friends and family. I guess that's not a bad place to be in, just one full of very mixed feelings.

Jackie said...

Glad you got back home safe, your half way there! Not much longer now!!

MyUtopia said...

That is wonderful that you were able to finally relax and release and just be you! I hope you have a good week.

Happy Birthday!

fermicat said...

At least you had this visit to keep you going. Enjoy where you are, and your family and your work, and soon enough you will be back with Dean. Maybe it is because I am getting older, but time flies by so fast. It is really amazing.

Beth said...

Happy birthday to you. I'm sorry it wasn't spent on a plane. There should be a law about that.

My husband and I have spent months apart at a time. The longest was just over 4 months without seeing each other at all. I know how tough it can be firsthand, but you'll get through it stronger, wiser, and more appreciative for what you've got!

Scott said...

Why were you crying about turning 28? Please don't tell me you think that's old!

magnetbabe said...

beth-
I believe that. Already the silly things we'd bicker over seem so very small in the big picture. Out of everything I've learned this summer at this job, that is the most important thing of all.

magnetbabe said...

Umm, I just reread what I wrote and I really didn't mean to make a rhyme. That was lame.