Monday, October 01, 2007

It's Going to be a Loooong Marriage

The witness that finally went to management about the kitty shooter wasn't who I thought it was. This is actually good, because that means that there are even more dumpster kitty advocates than I previously thought. I have even had open communication with management the last few days and much to my surprise, they are incredibly appreciative of what I've gotten done with them.

They guy who I originally thought was the witness was the guy I refer to as Grillman because I don't know his name and he always gives scraps from his grill to the kitties. I've found steaks, pork chops, shrimp, anything you can put on the grill. Saturday, Grillman outdid himself. He filleted a large fish and gave the carcass to the kitties. The sight of it scared the crap out of me when I went to feed. A few of my most feral kitties really enjoyed it. Surprisingly, my more tame ones stayed away. I think they are a little coddled. Anyway, last night I went to feed and brought Dean with me since it was dusk and I'm still a little on edge. I brought a garbage bag with me in case the fish was still there. It was and Dean was thoroughly grossed out.

"I think I should toss the fish in the dumpster. Otherwise it's gonna stink."

"Natalie, leave the fish. Don't touch it, it's gross."

"Dean, I brought a garbage bag. It's okay, I'll put it over my hands, pick up the fish and toss it out. No big deal."

"Please don't touch the fish. Seriously, I'm about to gag. Let maintenance deal with it."

I figured either maintenance would have to throw it away and then be irritated with the cats or they wouldn't pick it up and I'd have to deal with it at a later stage of decay. I put the garbage bag over my arm and walked towards the fish. Dean began to scream. In the parking lot.

"Natalie! I'm warning you! I will never have sex with you again if you touch that dead fish!"

I looked back and forth from him to the fish.

"Don't try me! I'll won't touch you if you touch the fish!" I tried to reason with him. Someone was going to get stuck with this fish. I walked up the the fish and crouched down.

"She's doing it!" Dean yelled from the parking lot. "She's giving up sex for the rest of her life! To touch a dead fish! I can't believe it!"

I'm sure people were staring but I didn't care. I was laughing too hard. I picked up the fish and hadn't realized how heavy it would be. I held onto the head through the garbage bag and let the body flop around. I couldn't drop the whole thing into the bag, it was just too heavy. Dean was yelping like a little girl. I ran full speed holding the fish head around the corner to the front of the dumpster.

"Oh God! Oh my God! That's so gross!" We were both alternately gagging and laughing. The kitties were watching from by their still empty food bowl. The next fifty years might be dull in the sack. But there is never a dull moment in the ghetto.

13 comments:

gram said...

You are just so funny! God luv ya!

e.b. said...

I love it! Though I am very sorry to hear about your "loss"

Jeni said...

Hmmmm. I'm wondering though how long the self-imposed abstinence thing will hold water. Are you going to kiss and tell?

dancingo4 said...

Hilarious. I miss you guys.
Laughing out load in the office...everyone thinks I'm crazy, not like that is new.

MIL said...

I'm sorry, Magnetbabe.

mom said...

"it's going to be a loooong marrage".... for all of us!

Christopher said...

I was always happy for you two - that you found one another and all, but I didn't know about the sex part. And I liked Deano...

fermicat said...

This post made me smile.

magnetbabe said...

dad-
When I was home this summer you said you wanted grandkids. Do we need to discuss where they come from?

Runner Girl FL said...

Hahaha hehehe hehehe hahahahaha Too Funny!!

lefty_grrrl said...

Did you guys break the vow yet?

magnetbabe said...

lefty-
It isn't a vow if we both don't agree to it. Let's just say I'm irresistible. ;)

Jeni said...

Stop by my place and pick up a little present there just for you for having a great blog, interesting, neat topics, fun topics, serious stuff too but for being the catalyst with your blog that served to introduce me to your blogging grandma, to whom I also presented a little gift as well!
Thanks again for being here so she and I were able to meet, correspond, and communicate.