Saturday, August 20, 2005

The Pants Fairy

If you are not up for an excrutiatingly long post about Ralph Lauren pants, I suggest you exit now.

It all started around Christmas time when Mom and Tom and I went shopping at Bloomingdales' after Christmas sale. If you have never witnessed my mom and I shopping, it is quite the sight. We shop as if it is the apocalypse and our eternal souls will be judged on the basis of the bargains we have found. I was in the dressing room trying on a vast multitude of designer clothes at ridiculously low prices when I spotted them. Tan Ralph Lauren pants, my size, already in the dressing room waiting for me. They were somewhere between jeans and khakis, a luxiously soft cotton that definitely passed for "business casual." They were originally $59.99, marked down to $27.99 and then 40% off of THAT. Plus, they made my butt look fantastic. From then on they were heavy in the rotation.

I was shopping for a dress for a wedding awhile back and I stopped in at Ross. Ross is a frightening store. Since most of my readers don't live in Florida, they have never had the misfortune of having to go in to a Ross. It is perpetually dimly lit and has an odor of sweat and synthetic fabric. There are never enough people working, the lines are out the door and the dressing rooms are reminiscent of a high school locker room. Nontheless, Ross does carry name brand clothes at significantly reduced prices- perfect for shopping for a dress for a wedding in Boondocks, Minnesota. While waiting in line to pay for my dress (I never said I didn't find stuff there on occasion...) I spotted my tan pants for $24.99. I briefly debated buying a backup pair and then decided aginst it. I paid $15 for them at Bloomingdales, I wasn't about to pay $25 for them at Ross.

After the wedding and the wonderful stay in Minnesota, I came home and realized that I couldn't find my tan pants. I remember ironing them in my dad's laundry room and then changing my mind and putting on a skirt for a concert. That was the last time I saw them. I called my dad a few days ago and mentioned that I thought I remember leaving a pair of pants at his house. I described them in detail.

"Tan, cotton but not khaki material. Really soft. Bootleg cut. Size [not telling the world what size I am]."

"Oh." My dad said.

"Oh, what?"

"Well, it's just that Anna's that size too."

"Oh."

"Your pants are probably in Canada with her [on a three week vacation]. If so, let me know how much they were, I'll write you a check"

Hmmm. How much they were originally, or how much I paid for them? The thrill is in how LITTLE I paid for them. Anyway, I related this story to Dean on the way to dinner last night and begged him to stop at Ross so I could see if they still had some there. He asked if I thought Anna would realize that she had my pants. I jokingly said, "Maybe she thought the pants fairy brought them to her." He agreed, never having been in Ross before. He was appalled.

"Frey, do you shop here a lot?"

"Not really. They have cheap Tommy stuff though."

"Are you really doing that bad financially? I am making more money now. You don't have to shop like this."

"Who cares? Yeah, it's kinda gross but it's better than paying full price all the time, especially while I'm still a grad student."

"From now on, I'm buying your clothes so that you never have to come here again."

Both me and Anna have pants fairies now.

24 comments:

mom said...

please oh please don't let deano buy your pants, not that he isn't a great guy not that i don't respect his work ethic etc. but it's hard to get respect as a female physicist when you show up at the lab in a hooters outfit...

bubba 69 said...

hooters has great food

magnetbabe said...

It's not as if I'd EVER let him pick them out. I have more dignity than that...

magnetbabe said...

PS-
I just added this word verification thing to protect against spammers. Sorry I have to do this, but I hate when people use my blog to advertise their own blog (especially when it's about stuff I REALLY don't want to encourage..). Anyway, still feel free to leave lots of comments. I love hearing from all my regulars (and new readers too)!

DearOldDad said...

Since this was pretty much a shot across my bow, I thought I had better take action: After reading your post I rifled through Anna’s dresser drawers and the first thing I saw was a pair of tan pants of luxuriously soft cotton. AH-HA! I thought I had found them; however, upon checking the label I found they were correctly sized, but were of Talbot’s lineage, not the highly sought after RL. Since these were near the top of the stack I deduced two things: 1. these luxuriously soft cotton numbers are in heavy rotation 2. the true RL pseudo-khakis are somewhere in Nova Scotia - not to return until Labor Day. I will alert Anna to the faux pas when she next makes contact (it could be a few days – she is basically in the middle of nowhere), and ask her to take the utmost care with them. So sorry…

magnetbabe said...

LOL! Thanks, dearolddad. I hope you did not take offense to my post, it's just that when a pair of pants have NUMEROUS stories attached to them, they deserve their time in the spotlight. I'm glad my pants are journeying to the ends of civilization, further away than I have ever been. And Talbots are nothing to scoff at either.

dancingo4 said...

I knew we were kindred souls the moment we met. Please write more about your clothes. I love it! Having my own disorder in the clothes buying department, I rarely will purchase at retail price and the red discount markings give me a high that I can only imagine is similar to crack. I too have a bond with a majority of my clothes. When you search high and low (and you obviously have found a haven - no matter how skank-i-licious it is) for the bargain, you do establish a connection with the piece of clothing. I'm in complete agreement. And as long as you know you will get your precious pants back, I'm all for the traveling and sharing of the clothes. You can only hope they will bring as much happiness to the borrower during their short time together.

And I’m so glad you clarified that deano will not be picking out the clothing but providing the funding for the projects. I’m in agreement with mom that you should not risk hooters outfits or anything he might observe on MTV. Knowing his sports fanaticism, you may have ended up in tight black spandex with a sparkly sports bra and pompoms.

Can you please have deano contact Mr. Franklin so he too, knows that it is his responsibility to keep women like us well dressed and safe from smelly stores?

Anonymous said...

That story was sooooooo boring, I actually fell asleep at my cube.

How do you add a picture of yourself?

magnetbabe said...

It is like crack, isn't it? I'll try to keep you happy with the clothes posts.

anonymous- I warned you! And the fact the you work in a cube reveals your identity. Way to go.

Hot4Teacha said...

Nat & Manda, you guys are my crack buddies all the way. Let me tell you a little about my love affair...with the Gap Outlet. And keep in mind that my teacher's salary makes the Gap my Ralph Lauren.

Oh, pretty silk camisole, why does thou taunt me? You flutter in the window, winking your flowery image and ruffled front, your bias-cut and side-tie a tantamount to a cock-tease for a woman. Don't you know I have no purse to go with you?

To Wilson's Leather Outlet I go. Must accessorize before purchasing my "O" shirt at Gap. All will soon be right with the world, little cami. You will be mine. Oh yes, you will be mine (and a beaded clutch will be your partner).

Anonymous said...

You have no idea who I am.

P.S. Mom will you mail the Harmon Killebrew bat? I love you, Deano.

mom said...

yes deano i'll mail the harmon bat along with entire 1965 bobble-head collection we secured from a secret pal at the metrodome....

Scott said...

I posted a reply here this morning! I must have been rejected by the word verification piece and didn't notice. My comment was this: my wife is always sniffing out deals, and it doesn't matter if she actually wants what's for sale; the deal is just too juicy to pass up. I blocked her from buying a couch for the back porch this weekend for the love of Pete! Oh, and nothing beats Old Navy for good deals.

Anonymous said...

scott i agree with you it's the deal most times not the product. i have this darling little sigrid olsen skirt in my closet that was 120.00 marked down, down, down, then an extra 40% off when i used my bloomies charge. final cost 9.97! i've never worn it (6 months now) but i smile every time i see it in my closet!

magnetbabe said...

First of all, is that my mom or Dean's mom? I'm confused.

Second of all, anonymous I know that's you mom. You're the only other person I know who wears Sigid Oslsen (and has a Bloomies charge!). I'm just giving you a hard time. I'm sure it was an accident. You get just as worked up about shopping as you do about baseball.

Scott-
Sorry about the word verification. It's been a disaster so far. Impulse furniture buying is dangerous. I hope you don't live near and Ikea. I bought some cheap shelving there last summer that still hasn't been hung up. Old Navy is also a favorite-you can get like 10 shirts there for $5 when they're clearancing.

hot4teacha-
If you ever make it down here again, I will have to take you to the mecca of outlet malls in Orlando. You'll save the money you spent on a flight just on purses alone!

bubba 69 said...

When did we stop talking about
hooters? Does Deano really wear skirts? Can you add his picture to your blog? I bet he sleeps in his cube alot! At least I know where my pants and bobbleheads are. I can't find any of these word verification words in the dictionary (I hope they're dirty!)

magnetbabe said...

Okay, that's it. The word verification is being turned off! No one (including me) knows how to use it. And bubb69, don't tell me you've never lost a pair of pants before. Or a skirt here and there. By the way, it's a little hard to keep track of our THREE DIFFERENT Joe Mauer bobble heads, not to mention our '87 team signed ball...

bubba69 said...

Magnetbabe-they're not skirts, they're kilts! (I'm Scottish).
Is cock-tease a poultry farming word? By the way, whose your mama?
At least our Joe Mauer bobblehead is signed! I miss word verification - it was expanding my vocabulary!

Anonymous said...

I hope "anonymous" isn't dreaming (in his cubicle)that he has two Mommas that have Harmon Killebrew bats for him. And the bobble heads!! I hope the people in the ajoining cubicles have "white noise" machines to drown out his snoring. PS How does one get a pants fairy? Excuse me while I go back to sleep in my kiosk.

magnetbabe said...

Oh yeah, bubba69? Well when Dean was obssessed with Joe Mauer, he got EVERYTHING HE OWNED signed by Mauer. The bobbleheads are about the only things not signed by him. Too bad he didn't get his grilfriend signed by L'il Joe...

anonymous- There are times when Dean thinks he has three mommas, one to send him Twins stuff, one to send him Lake Lida peanuts and one to cook his meals for him. To be a Pants Fairy you have to carelessly leave clothes all over the country. To get one, you have to drag your boyfriend/husband to questionable discount merchandise stores.

Anonymous said...

why does dean get all the bobbleheads?

magnetbabe said...

because technically, the kitties are "my hobby." yeah, right.

minnesota blue said...

I have a dress that I bought 20 years ago still hanging in my closet.!!! I just can't bring myself to toss it!20 years ago I paid 60.00 dollars for it, the most I had ever paid for a dress. (Sixty dollars was a lot of money then) Every time I go through my closets to clean them out, the dress is pushed to the back and I say to myself "Maybe I can do it next time"

gabrielle said...

Just picking up the loose thread (ahem)--sorry, couldn't resist--of the travelling pants. The much esteemed RL pair have not yet surfaced. They did not make it to the craggy Nova Scotia shoreline. However, a pair of mid calf kakhi pants with a lower echelon label did. The label is one that is recognized by NuLook, a local thrift store which can be brutally snooty (the point of origin of the coveted Coach bag). The pants are ink stained and slightly worn but definitely broken in. And they have great stories to tell. Would you like them for a while?