Sunday, July 17, 2005

The Wedding Crasher

The way I see it, people are allowed one free pass to be drunk and belligerent at a wedding. If they do this twice, they've earned themselves a REPUTATION. At only 26 years of age, I've already used my free pass, which means that I absolutely must behave myself at the wedding Dean and I are going to next weekend. Unfortunately, much like the wedding at which I used my free pass, this wedding is in Boondocks, Minnesota and will be attended by people who have repeatedly disrespected Dean, and therefore myself as well. Unfortunately, I am three years removed from living in Minnesota, Passive Aggressive Capital of the U.S.A., and now even when sober can be thought of as belligerent by midwest standards. Dean's best friend from college is getting married and Dean is the best man. Which means that I get to sit at the Wedding Party's Significant Other table and dodge questions about when Dean is finally going to make an honest woman of me. I'll get to deal with reactions to being a (gasp) Owner of Three Cats and the glazed over looks that accompnay my response to the ever popular "so what do you do?" In short, things are not looking good for me being well-behaved at this wedding. So why am I going?
1. To support Dean and be his personal cheerleader for this college reunion of a wedding.
2. Because I would go to Minnesota to spend time with my friends and family sometime this summer anyway.
3. To see Dean in a tux.
So this weekend and early next week I am tying up loose ends at work, getting ready to grudgingly relinquish control of my duties in the lab. I leave for Minnesota on Wednesday but that doesn't mean you won't be hearing from me. The minute I am out of Boondocks, Minnesota and back to civilization I will give you all my report card for the wedding.
One more thing. A friend of mine sent me this quote and I loved it so much I thought I'd share.
"Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with."

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

so, where would "boondocks" MN be? St Paul? Isanti? Or maybe Mpls, home of the Golden Gloves Champion, Ken Rodriguez?

mom said...

red or blue? i believe the "boondocks" would be in a blue state versus tampa that's in a red state, i also think if you punched in the zip code to the "boondocks" in the national sex offenders registry you'd get ZERO, and what was tampa, 21? thank god for the boondocks, clean air, an actual department of natural resources, i'd take it any old day!

magnetbabe said...

Okay, Mom and Anonymous. I didn't want to give too many details in my post because I am unhappy about the wedding but didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Yes, the wedding is in a blue state. I would give anything to live in a blue state right now. I'm not happy about living in a state full of conservative, ultra-religious, rifle-toting, confederate flag-carrying idiots with a disproportionate number of sex offenders. However, when I do move back to a blue state, it WILL be in a city that has a museum, a baseball stadium and public transportation. FYI, the wedding is in Willmar. I think that qualifies as the boondocks.

dancingo4 said...

As friend for many years, I can vouch for the first wedding that took place in boondocks, mn and agree completely about the horridness of the entire situation. Lots of people directly out of the hills - with "summer teeth" (some teeth are over here, some teeth are over there) and the outstate small town mentality - "city people" are weird and strange. Growing up in a town slightly more metro that these 2 wedding locations, I can somewhat over look the queerness that exists. While for someone growing up in a bustling metropolis, that is basically impossible and the only solution is to drink yourself silly.

I feel that you have an additional free pass for this wedding for many reasons. 1) You will not have the support of your girlfriends at this wedding. 2) Seeing people that you haven't seen in 3 or more years and didn't always have the best relationship with is reason enough for massive alcohol intake. 3) it sounds like the alcohol may be in short supply due to the "thriftiness" of the bride's parents - drink and drink quickly. You don't want to be on the short end of the stick.

I could go on and on. Although I would like to have a play by play recap of the event, I hope you have enough to drink to forget the horrid parts - and just remember the juicy gossip :-)

I wish you good luck and don’t forget a smile goes along way – no matter what evil thoughts are brewing in your head. And for people that ask what you do, throw some science words and them and they will not be bothering you much longer. They are not going to be able to keep up.

mom said...

dancing04 (amanda) thanks for words of encouragement to my daughter, I wanted to tell her to go ahead and drink but didn't think it was my place!!

magnetbabe said...

You guys have me laughing out loud! I'll tell anyone who asks that I have your permission to drink myself into oblivion.

dancingo4 said...

Not that you need permission to drink - we are just here to encourage you!

I can always give you a list of reasons to drink...hmm...the sun is up....it's 5:00 somewhere...boondocks weddings....you are awake :-)

Anonymous said...

Ahh, actually the Boondocks is Coon Rapids.

salesstud69 said...

Let's hope the bride and groom don't read this blog.

Anonymous said...

As I see it, NO ONE has a free pass to be drunk and belligerant anytime, let alone at the most important time in someone elses life! Go to the Wedding, have a few drinks, eat a lot of goulash, potatoe sald, lutefisk, mingle and leave the bride and groom with a good impression of who you are. What is a blue state versus red state anyway?

Scott said...

I think you and my wife should get together and play bingo! Have fun trying to be good.

minnesota blue said...

Tell anonymous that the blue states are: Where the women are always pretty, the men are good lokking and George Bush is is a gun slinging cowboy!!!

minnesota blue said...

Dying to hear about the wedding!

magnetbabe said...

minnesota blue-
I'm sorry to keep you in suspense! I was meaning to write tonight but I was out late and now I'm feeling tired. I'm thinking tomorrow I'll just do a whole update post to let everyone know what is new at work, how the wedding went, my vacation, etc.

minnesota blue said...

No hurry about the wedding! I imagine you are just soo glad to be in your blue comfort zone!! Land of Paul Wellstone, Johanne Santana,1000 lakes, and best of all, your Mama!! I can wait, even though it will be with bated breath!

Anonymous said...

FLORIDA=CIVILZATION? THAT'S FUNNY!