Friday, August 18, 2006

What's Wrong With Me?

I like to think of myself as an optimist. Unfortunately, I come from a strong lineage of pessimists, most notably my great grandma. She is always complaining about the weather and when my mom and stepdad take her for her walk she is either miserably hot or miserably cold. On the rare occasion that the weather is truly comfortable in Minnesota (low 70s, low humidity, sunny) to the extent that someone can't POSSIBLY be uncomfortable, she says something like, "well, a bird will probably crap on my head." She's a firecracker and comes by her pessimism honestly.

So naturally I think of my pessimistic ancestry when I am in a funk (yes, still) and nothing seems to be making me happy. Take work, for instance. When we are doing experiments and working 16 hour days, all I can think to do is bitch and moan about how exhausted I am, how I need to rest. I just want to read a novel/take a hot bath/watch silly 80's movies. Now that we are not doing experiments and I have nothing pressing to do, I'm bored/unchallenged/restless/stir crazy. When the lab is full and people are bustling about while chitchatting I think to myself "I wish it were quiet so I could get some work done." While this week I've been either the only one or one of two people in the lab and I can't help feeling lonely and irritated that no one is coming in. So I've been bored and unmotivated which is the perfect time to catch up on literature searches or lab organization. But I have no desire to do either of those things.

What's wrong with me?!


mr. schprock said...

I am exactly that way. When I have the time to do the fun stuff, I'm unmotivated. I get more of everything done when I'm busy. I think it has something do with having to budget the time.

I think Schopenhauer said life amounts to nothing more than struggle and ennui.

I don't think he got invited to many parties.

terri said...

sounds familiar. i work in a busy office, which usually irritates me. but for the past 2 weeks, everyone's been on vacation. it is just me and a couple of hibernating colleagues. all this time to get work done and i am bored and uninspired. same story, different actors! but i will be complaining mightily next week when everyone shows up and wants to talk about boring old work. you can't win for losing. : )

Anonymous said...

What's wrong with you?

You miss me.

Runner Girl FL said...

James will be back soon then there will be another worker bee in there.

You miss me too.

I'm sure it's cause you miss Cheesehead terribly!!

lefty_grrrl said...

It's okay. Be patient with yourself. You've had a lot of change lately and it sounds like your emotions just havent' caught up yet. You're gonna be fine. You just sound a little restless, not pessimistic. Perhaps you should go get a pedicure or a massage? A little pampering is good for the spirits.

magnetbabe said...

I'm sorta glad to see other people feel this way too. It's almost like we don't switch gears until it's required of us.

mr. schprock~
I wouldn't want to hang out with Schopenhauer, I think. Especially not at a party or near a cliff

Welcome, Terri! Did I lure you over with our book talk earlier? :)

I do miss anonynous, and my boys. Even Cheesehead because I miss the way he was, you know before he became a douchebag. And I have every intention of pampering myself a little bit when I go on vacation, in three weeks!

minnesotablue said...

Some of your feelings are family traits. When I am busy, stressed out etc I seem to thrive and do my best job, and then moan and complain that no one appreciates me. During free time, I don't know what to do. It usually takes me a few days and a good book to come out of a funk.

Scott said...

You sound just like my wife. Seriously, I think we all relate to the basic state of restlessness. We all want more than we have, and the grass is always greener. It's a trick this life.

magnetbabe said...

Glad to see you back. I hope you had a good trip!
Let's see, weekend: check.
Good book: check.
Hopefully things will start turning around. If not this week, then the next when classes start and the halls will be bustling and the lab will be full.

I think "wanting more than we have" must be an evolved trait. That's really the definition of drive isn't it? And where would we ne without that?