I am back in a life I am a little more used to. For fifteen weeks I thought everyday of sleeping next to my husband, snuggling my kitties, going to work with people who felt more like siblings than coworkers. And yet, now that I have these things once again I still feel unsettled. It could just be my tentative nature. But as much as I recognize how wonderful it is to be home, I still feel like something is not quite right. There’s a little knot in my tummy and my sleeping has not been sound. The sleeping thing is exacerbated by the fact that I actually got used to sleeping alone. Suddenly sharing a bed with another person AND three not-so-small cats isn’t a natural feeling. Add to it that one of the cats likes to bite in the middle of the night and that quiet bed in my dad’s basement doesn’t seem so bad.
Oddly enough, part of my brewing anxiety comes from still not having seen all of my dumpster kitties. Their schedule was pretty upended the last days I was gone with one of my friends catching a couple litters of kittens that had popped up just recently. As a result, I think they are keeping scarce and their feeding schedule has been thrown off by all the trapping. I'll be happier when the dinner attendance is a little more consistent.
My last week at my internship was good. I presented my main results to the group and it was a success. I met with my manager the last day. He complimented me and seemed to understand everything that I couldn’t say. After three months of feeling like no one was communicating with me, he said he thought I did a great job. He said he didn’t know what the group would be like when I was ready to graduate, or even if I was would be interested, but that he would be more than happy to write me an excellent recommendation letter to any other research group in the company if I wanted. This seems like the perfect solution and all indications I received throughout the summer were that my manager was a guy who would be listened to.
Yesterday I got back into the lab and it felt good to be out of the cubes and into an open space. Unfortunately all my pens and post-it notes are missing but like I said, we’re basically a family. What’s mine is yours, whether I like it or not. Now I have to get my paperwork in order, re-establish contact with collaborators (and friends), and try to figure out exactly what I was doing before I left.
I just wanted to check in and let you all know I arrived safely and am back in the lab. More later when I find my groove.